Day 7 - And on the seventh day, God created Tylenol.

I am just a few hours into it, but I can already tell that every seventh day of the workout schedule is my favorite. You see, day seven is "Rest Day".

There is the added option of a stretching video that can be watched and worked. I am not falling for that, again. I was suckered in by the promise of soothing, relaxing stretches on Yoga day. I think I would have rather been water-boarded for that 90 minutes.

This morning, I stepped on the bathroom scale for the first time in a week. Actually, I bought this scale the night before I started this program. Until, now I thought that having a bathroom scale would be much like reliving my 2nd grade school year of 1982.

That was the first of many times that I had to change schools. Being the new kid in school made me a target for getting teased and bullied. Having pale skin, bright red hair and freckles made me easy to spot in a crowd.

I figured that a bathroom scale would be much like Hubert Wallace hanging out in my bathroom, 24/7. Every time I walked into the bathroom for any reason, the scale (Hubert) would be there to point and laugh and mock me. Every time I stepped on the scale, would be the very moment in time that Hubert would take my milk money from me. So, I have lived sans scale for all of my adult life. Until, that is, a week ago.

According to the scale, I have lost 10 pounds, this week. I am sure that is probably not the case. It was a brand new scale and maybe the first time I stood on it, it registered a false reading of a higher weight. Or maybe I broke the scale when I first stepped on it and every reading from that point on is inaccurate and much lower than it should be. Maybe I am just in denial. I looked into the bathroom mirror and I saw that my face was more narrow. My neck was thinner. That was a cool thing to see. Hubert Wallace, you are my bitch!

What have I learned this week? There have been many revelations. In no particular order...

* My ceiling hangs 8 feet from my floor.
* When I am stretching or reaching upward, the distance between the floor and the tips of my finger is much greater than 8 feet.
* The higher the speed of a ceiling fan, the more painful the impact to your knuckles.
* Any item, service, product or idea that includes the word "Ripper" in the name should really be avoided, because nothing good will come of it.
* If your dog really loves you, you can accidentally elbow him in the mouth while doing your Kenpo workout.
* If your dog is really smart, he will go and lay down in the corner of the room while you finish your workout, after you have stopped to make sure he is OK.
* My dog, Ludwig, is not as smart as I've always thought he was.
* If the U.S. Military could harness egg white generated farts, we could win the war against terrorism and go green at the same time.
* Microwavable egg poachers are not non-stick.
* If you're hungry enough...and I mean really hungry enough...you will eat cottage cheese.
* Many people think that P90X is a game for Wii. I wish I could bitch-slap them for being an idiot, but I can't lift my arms.